How she prepares for shoot days once she gets a script.

I read the script with an eye towards any scene where two people touch; even if it’s something that’s really benign, I’ll flag it. I have a meeting with the director to go over all these scenes, and we talk about things like tone. What are you trying to tell here in this story? What is a film that you could use as an example to compare it to? What is the general tone of your piece? And then their wish list of what they’d like to see in terms of body parts, and we will talk over the actual movement of the scene. 

We go over each scene in detail, and then I will have a private one–on–one with the actor without the producer or the director involved to relay this information to gauge how they feel about doing these things. What are their ideas? What are their boundaries? What are their “hard nos”? What are their areas that they just absolutely do not want to expose? I gather all this information so that we all get on the same page and then go back to the director and showrunner and say, “Yes, we’re good.” Or “She’s not comfortable with this particular part of the simulated sex.” And we’ll come to an agreement with the workaround so that by the time we get to set, we’re very well prepped.

Prep is a huge part of this job, which didn’t exist before. It used to be that actors would show up on set in a towel and naked, and the director would say, “Okay, go for it.” And there were no discussions of choreography, boundaries, consent, and where are we touching today? It’s very hard for an actor to say no to someone that has the hiring and firing power because there’s this power dynamic that exists. That’s why I have this private meeting with the actor to make sure that they’re telling me everything that they’re feeling. 

Once I get them to sign off on it, I will then go to legal, and I will give them the wording, and we will craft the nudity rider because, in every scene that is done that has simulated sex or nudity, there’s a very specific rider that’s attached to their contract that they will sign. 

Then I talk to wardrobe to make sure that I see what they’re planning on wearing in the scene so that I can see whether they’re going to get undressed in the right way. Let’s say she’s wearing leggings. That’s difficult in a scene, right? Unless it’s meant to be funny when she’s trying to get them off, it really doesn’t work. So, I want to make sure everybody is wearing what makes sense within the choreography of the scene.

[We also] talk about modesty garments, and sometimes we have to talk to special effects to produce a prosthetic. The prosthetic is an actual fake penis because you can’t show an erect penis on film, you can only show a flaccid one. So, anytime you see an erect one, or when anyone’s touching it, it is fake. That could take four to six weeks to create. So, I have to go and talk to special effects and make sure that that’s going. 

What she does on shoot days. 

I check in with the actors to make sure they’re still feeling comfortable and giving consent because even though they gave consent yesterday or two weeks ago, it doesn’t mean that they’re feeling it this morning because consent doesn’t follow you around. Consent is very fluid.

I’m there usually either in the room or by the monitor watching them to make sure that things look good, that they look authentic, that nothing’s sticking out that shouldn’t be. [I’m] going in to check on the actors to make sure that they’re still comfortable, and just keep things professional and make sure we have a closed set, which means only the personnel that essentially has to be there is there.

What happens when an actor changes their mind about what they are comfortable doing.

The actor has a right, within the SAG contract, to change their mind and say no. This is not slave labor. So, they call me over, and we have a chat, and we try to get to the bottom of what the problem is. Sometimes, it can be something as simple as he licked her ear, and it, like, set her off and triggered her in some way. We talk about it, and we figure out a workaround that will make everyone comfortable — that will still tell the story, but that’s doing what the actors are comfortable doing. 

Let’s say the actor’s just like, “I’m triggered. I’m having a panic attack. I have to go, I can’t.” Contractually, production has to pay them off. We have to come back again, reshoot the scene, and we can bring in a body double. The body double can only do what the actor has already agreed to do. The body double can’t come in and misrepresent what the actor had agreed to do.  

Shooting scenes involving sexual assault and trauma.

At the beginning of the day, the AD usually gives a safety speech. So, if I’m going to be an IC on a scene that is particularly rough or has sensitive material, I also have a very similar safety speech that I give to tell people that we’re going to be shooting some sensitive material today of sexual assault, for instance. You may get triggered, and it can happen when you least expect it. I tell them I’m trained in trauma first aid, and if you feel some of these things, like shortness of breath, sweating, your sound goes out, your vision goes out, tap out — and I’m going to help stabilize them. But it could also happen when you get home that you suddenly realize what happened today, and it’s playing out in your mind. So, I let people know you can call me.

Handling intimate scenes that involve minors, for example a teenage first kiss. 

I have a meeting with the actors beforehand, and we talk about what the director is looking for in this kiss. I’m not often seeing, you know, huge open-mouth kissing with minors. It’s usually just a peck or a very tentative exploration. You should also know that generally speaking, people don’t use tongue. And so we have that conversation so that someone’s not just accidentally sticking their tongue down into her mouth or his mouth. And we do trust exercises to start. I put them maybe sitting on the floor across from each other and ask them to hold each other’s hands. Along the way, I keep checking for consent. “Is it okay if Bobby puts his hand on yours?” Then, I’ll have them put their foreheads together and look into each other’s eyes. Generally, that produces a lot of giggles, which is great to get that out. Then I slowly just have them start breathing together.

What to look for in an intimacy coordinator. 

Make sure they are qualified and the right fit for the project. Like any crew member you’re hiring, it’s best to have them read the script so that they know the world they’re jumping into and hear their ideas. Ask them, “How would you approach this scene? What are some of your ideas? What are some of your visions?” I think you just have to really use your gut. Also, talk to [people from] the productions they’ve worked on in the past and see what the vibe was like.